Thursday, May 14, 2009

if I didn't have these veins poppin' out all over my legs

Clinic today. Uneventful. PFTS hold steady at 72 (34 for 25/75). Weight is up. bah. And when I asked the dietician about losing, she laughed. Why can't people see that Cf or not, I am still a human with human worries and emotions. As of yet I still have a life that doesn't fully encompass CF or rather that is not fully encompassed by CF, so if I'm still a bit vain, I'll hold onto that because it means I am still winning. As smart as it may be to be glad I'm lugging around and extra 35lbs in case I get sick, I'm NOT glad and I don't like anticipating illness in this way: might as well hold onto it cuz I know I'm gonna need it. Yes, I'm sure this is true, at some point, but it isn't now and I want my goddman flat stomach back.

Anyway, besides that, nothing.

I've been lax, a lax blogger, lax blog reader. I'm sorry. I do love you all, especially the people who actually come here and read my drivel.

I've been writing poems lately to tell the truth. I probably won't post them, though one is being published in an online journal, so when it comes out, I'll link. It's keeping me busier and more fulfilled than writing about myself and dumb Cf right now, but I'll be back. It all cycles through.

5 comments:

NoExcuses said...

I can't STAND being brushed off for wanting to lose weight/ get in shape.

For God's sake, we're susceptible to CFRD, which is partially due to insulin resistance. HELLO! Extra weight can lead to insulin resistance.

Makes me so furious that a DIETITIAN, of all people, doesn't understand this. I've had this issue for awhile... UGH

Plus it's harder for you to breath with extra weight on. Bleh.

In summary, I sympathize with you.

whatsherface said...

I feel like fat shit, too. An extra 20lbs and counting for me. Joy.

*runs to look for her Abs of Steel video*

Anonymous said...

I understand, even though I've only gained like 5-8 lbs then my norm, I'm having an odd time getting used to this flab not muscle situation.

Don't get me wrong, I am trying to gain for when I get sick, and I'm glad I am, but it does take some getting used to or creates the desire to tone it up when you're not used to it! I think your dietician should be more supportive of what you want in this, especially since you don't *need* that weight for health at the moment. I would want to enjoy a flat stomach too.

I feel for you. I had to go shopping b/c non of my pants fit anymore. It's good, but man, I went up a few sizes, am weirded out about my new 'size', and am a bit wiggly jiggly now. Abs of Steel video is right.

Cowtown Kelly

Anonymous said...

You'd still be comin' home drunk in the middle of the night.

Lisa said...

Uneventful is good...but what the heck is up with that dietician! Seriously?!? I hate when people just brush off concerns :(