cuz I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me

I've come to the sad realization that my husband does not "get" CF. I truly believe he wants to be supportive, but because he is rather uneducated about Cf, he is failing.

When we met, I did no treatments. I wasn't very interested in Cf. Denial was my middle name. I was probably at a lower lung function than I am now. I was abusing my body in ways I won't mention and just did not have my health very high on my priority list. I think I just mentioned CF in passing once like "oh, I have Cf. It's no big deal. I am not like everyone else who has it." blah blah blah - we already know this story.

But I think that mentality has stuck with him. Last night we argued about me working. I am not against working, though I certianly like NOT working, I just mentioned I was a little scared. That it would be hard to handle treatments and exercise and a full time job and I am afraid of teaching again because I can see in hindsight how often I was sick while I was teaching - I mean schools are GROSS.

My husband told me I was using Cf as a crutch to be lazy, that I was never like this before - that teaching is a cushy job, one that requires little of me and should have no effect on my health. I know in typing this, on a blog read primarily by other CFers, that it is making him sound like a total dick - and he isn't, but he just doesn't know and I don't know how to make him get it.

I was thinking last night that next time I get sick I should just get admitted. that maybe 2 weeks of mom in the hospital would show him where this could be headed. But I don't really want that. I know that day will come soon enough. He doesn't know that that day will come though, and that is the problem.

I feel sort of dejected (rejected). How do you get someone to see something that they just don't/can't see? You can't, obviously.

I am more afraid now than I ever was because right now I truly feel I am alone in this fight.