oooh, witchy woman, see how high she flies

I need to confess.

My picture to your right is probably 6-8 years old, I"m not sure. I don't really look like that anymotr. Here is what happened:



Not to be mean to Sabrina, of course. Acoodring to God's word People magazine, she's lost her weight. Not I. But I do drink diet now. go me.

Many moons ago, I heard that I looked like both Sabrina the Teenaged witch or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

So once, I was at a bar and this guy was like, "You know who you look like" all snapping his fingers at me. And I was like, "Uh, Buffy?" cuz I heard that all the time, and the guy was like. "Uh, yeah right" all disgusted and making me feel like an idiot. He is kind of a big wig in town now and whenever I see his face in the paper I still want to spit at him.



Soooo not related to CF.

sleep with one eye open

1) We had to put our dog to sleep today. She had cancer. It was actually my husband's dog from before me, and to be honest, I didn't like her all that well - but it was still sad. RIP, Payton.

2) I know I am not the only person who sometimes HATES vesting and nebs - holla if you hear me!

3) Tomorrow is my boy's last day of school - which will make me the mother of a FOURTH GRADER. How did this happpen. Praise Jah, I am still here to see it.

4) It also means I am going to get to start sleeping in

5) Nasocort makes everything smell like vomit, but my ENT said my sinuses look great. Took long enough, shoooot.

6) It's depressing when these rejections come in from these journals.

7) Have you seen that commercial for Burger KIng that is all "I like square butts and I cannot lie?" HORRID SHIT ON THE TELLY

8) Exercize? What's that?

9) What is the sound of one hand clapping?

10) Do you own one of those P.O.W./M.I.A. shirts?

if I didn't have these veins poppin' out all over my legs

Clinic today. Uneventful. PFTS hold steady at 72 (34 for 25/75). Weight is up. bah. And when I asked the dietician about losing, she laughed. Why can't people see that Cf or not, I am still a human with human worries and emotions. As of yet I still have a life that doesn't fully encompass CF or rather that is not fully encompassed by CF, so if I'm still a bit vain, I'll hold onto that because it means I am still winning. As smart as it may be to be glad I'm lugging around and extra 35lbs in case I get sick, I'm NOT glad and I don't like anticipating illness in this way: might as well hold onto it cuz I know I'm gonna need it. Yes, I'm sure this is true, at some point, but it isn't now and I want my goddman flat stomach back.

Anyway, besides that, nothing.

I've been lax, a lax blogger, lax blog reader. I'm sorry. I do love you all, especially the people who actually come here and read my drivel.

I've been writing poems lately to tell the truth. I probably won't post them, though one is being published in an online journal, so when it comes out, I'll link. It's keeping me busier and more fulfilled than writing about myself and dumb Cf right now, but I'll be back. It all cycles through.

everybody rolls with their fingers crossed

I ate a hotdog, potato chips and a half a cookie today without enzymes. Lordamighty.

It was my kid's filed day, so all the paretns had a picnic with the kids. The babe and I rode our bike there which was my measly exercize for the day. I have been suhc a slacker in that department.

My son's first baseball game tomorrow and he is a pitcher! Make momma nervous. I get more worked up than he does, I'm sure, but that's my boy out there!

My Cf clinic is actually make a change (cue the drums). They are now having peds and adult clinics on two different days. This is great news. No crowded waiting room, no snotty kids. I go next Thursday. This has been the first quarter I have not been in between 3 month visitis in quite a while. Seems a lifetime ago that I only went once a year. I don't even remember that girl.

AND, by some unknown fluke of my wierd ass insurance, it ~looks~ lilke tehy might be covering my sinus surgery 100% Why? Dunno. What loophole this falls under, dunno that eihter, but praise Jah, I think it might be true.

I don't wanna be a player no more

I've been a piss poor poster I'm afraid and I don't have much to say today either.

I'm finally feeling better. My last night of class is tomorrow so no more computer time dedicated to school work (so more time for what? los internetes?) and summer is coming (slowly).

So, I've been a bit MIA. I've been sewing and crocheting again - I go in spurts, I made a few dresses for the baby, a shirt for myself, sand I am crocheting flower brooches (sp) for the mothers on mother's day.

My digital camera broke during Christmas. I think it broke when, after an ice storm and a night of drinking, my husband and I took a spill on the ice - but i can't be sure, though no one admits to dropping it (unles I did it??)so I can't take pictures of any of my creations. Just as well.

Clinic next week. Hope all has maintained. I'm getting my second round of Colistin this week, so hopefully it will work as well as it seemed to in March and I'll see some results on PFTs. Holding steady would be fine with me though - no, to hell with that, after all the pain I went through with sinus surgery, I'd like to see an increase, thankyouverymuch.

If you've read this entire post without yawning, blow yourslef a kiss!

I am a vampire I am a vampire I have lost my fangs

This post probably won't go anywhere as I don't have a whole lot of interest to actually say.

My sinus are (sort of) getting better, but what I think it boils down to is that I need an antibiotic. My doc hasn't agreed with me yet, but I am working on him. I could bypass him and get one from my stepmom instead, but I like him so I want to work with him and not alienate his judgement. But, I go back thursday and I'm pretty sure I am gonna at leasttalk him into some cipro. The pain is just a plain old sinus headache now though, not the horrid pain I was feeling before, so I guess that's good.

I'm embarrassed to say I've been busy reading lately and not hanging out online so much. Reading you say, why, what a great past time (pass time?)! but the thing is, I have been reading the Twilight series (ducks head in embarrassment). I think what I need in my life is simply a teenaged vampire to spice things right up. Sigh. Maybe I just need to be 17 again, first love...

nah.

I have not swam in over a month now. I think I will go back to it tomorrow, but my motivation is nil. I ran a mile (don't be fooled, I ran/walked) last week, but that was my first exercize foray since surgery. I HAVE to get back into the swing of things, I was doing so well with my regime. I didn't lose a pound, but I felt good. I've been trying to count calories and stuff to drop a few (my grandma even commented on me gaining weight. bah), but being a CFer I have NEVER watched what I ate and so it is really hard to be disciplined about NOT eating. I even bought some hoodia. (that's embarrassing to admit too!)

I'm ready for summer.

ogres have layers

ENT again yesterday. He said he has never had a patient have so much pain. So glad I get to be the one. But he said the left sife of my head looks great, nice and clear - but the right side...well, he could not even see in there until he pulled out a HUGE mucous plug and then he sucked a whole bunch more icky hard green crap put. He really thinks my pain is related simply to congested sinuses and his theory ia that I have a thin crusty layer of mucous over the tissue that is keeping it from healing properly from the surgery and that continued suction and washing should help. I'm not that optimistic though and I pushed that I can call Monday if I have no improvement and get another scan. That being said, I tentatively want to say I actually do feel a little better today. KNOCK ON WOOD PUHLEAZ.

I am sooooo effing tired of this.

I've decided to change my attitude though. I need to really believe there is an end to this as my whole mental framework has been poor lately. While I fully understand how chronic pain can suck you down, I also think I have been able to watch myself in a sort of removed way and I can see how my own attitude has been part of the problem as well, so I am really trying to stay happy and not let this get me down.

I also need to wean off the narcotics. I don't think they have helped the situation either. I mean, they help the pain, but not my lethargy and bad attitude.

So. off to do something fun and enlightning today.

Fare thee well, ogre.

(sorry, we're watching Shrek for the 10000th time)