old blog 7

I am the type of person who enjoys being alone. It always amazes me that a great number of
people do not like to be alone - will go to great lengths not to be alone. If I can't get some tme by myself I'd lose my mind. These days that just means little things like maybe a trip to the grocery store or maybe a fifteen minute drive with some good tunes....just a few stolen moments of Shannon time.

Recently my husband's friend had to have emergency abdominal surgery. He spent abut a week int he hospital recovering. He called us the day after his surgery to tell us he was in the hospital and give us the room number. My husband went up to visit him a few times, spending a few hours there on a Friday night playing cards and chit chatting. I think if I were in the hospital (child bearing aside - though even then I needed some space) that last thing I would do would be to call everyone and their brother to tell them about it and have them visit me. Mind you, I am not being judgemental, this instance just reminded me of how deeply private I am and how much I prefer to NOT share any of my medical needs with others.

Of course, this comes from a woman who is a horrid patient. Part of the reason I think i would detest having people visit me in the hospital is that a hospital is a place with rules and routines and procedures to follow. I hate that. If I don't want my temperature taken at that moment (knowing I don't have a fever - don't you know when you have a fever? I do) or to have the instructions for my clean catch urine specimen described in front of my visitors I haven't got much say about it in the hospital. While I 've often found doctors to be quite reasonable folks, I often find nurses to be pedantic and dogmatic about following the procedures (and dispensing vague and uneducated advice). (DISCLAIMER _ I KNOW THERE ARE GREAT NURSES OUT THERE _ I'VE HAD SOME_BUT OVERALL THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE).

I guess it all stems from CF. My CF is something I hold very close and personal. Yeah, I am getting better at absorbing it into my overall being: I am wiritng a piece for my class about Cf, which means a big coming out to the fifteen students in that group of writers; I might even walk Great Strides this year - something I have never done before...I mean, with a T-shirt and everything (oy). But it is still my disease and mine alone. I don't like to share it. I share it here with you all because you understand - but out here in la la land (or wait - is the internet la la land. I get so confused! lol) Cf belongs to only me and I don't want others nosing around in it.

The last time my mom visited I was vesting and I hurridly unhooked and answered the door as if I'd just been busy scrambling eggs or something.

I don't know that any of this is logical, but it's who I am. I am quiet and shy and private and a bit of a loner and whether Cf is part of the reason I turned out that way or if because I am that way I treat my CF the way I do doesn't matter. What matters is that my wrestling match with this foe is not a WWF matter - just a coupla kids wrestling over the last donut, fiercly but quietly, so mom and dad don't hear