the other half found me stumbling around all drunk on burgundy wine

I've got a cold. bah. It figures: classes starts tonight, I just finished a dose of abx, and we have a ton of upcoming plans....so of course, I should get sick.

My husband and I bought a motorcycle over the weekend. He had one when we first met but was in an accident on my 24th birthday which resulted in a broken hand for him and a totaled motorcycle. He took the insurance money from the bike and bought a boat with it (men and their toys). That boat was sold after being laid off of work for 9 months in 2003/4...but we've always talked about getting another bike. My brother-in-law rides - pretty seriously, as in takes long trips on the motorcycle - and we've been a bit green with envy. So we got one. I admit, I am actually a scardey pants about it. I say a little prayer before we leave and one of thanks when (if) I return home safely, but at the same time, having a motorcycle is fitting with my life's theme: do things that will probably kill me and then be grateful when they don't.

I guess I look at it sort of caustically. I am supposed to die from CF - wasn't that the idea when my genes strung themselves together? My ending was predetermined from conception, so perhaps I play fate a bit more than I should. Of course I've toned that down with the advent of my children, but there is still a part of me - the biker babe part- that likes to toy with the universe.

I can't say that this lifestyle I've chosen of spitting at CF has always been beneficial, certainly I've done damage along the way, but I also think how different I would be had I treated Cf differently all those years...and the bigger question: would my health really be any different at all or would I still have PFTS hovering at 70 and be lamenting my untoned belly?

Obviously I will never know the answers as I can't know if in fact Cf will win in the end or if some other unexpected twist will close out my chapters. I do know this: if I die from CF, I do not want it written that I "lost a long battle with CF." or anything remotely like that - in fact, I think I prefer not to give Cf its day in the spotlight at all. Instead, I think it should just say something like, "Shannon died as she lived - gone down in a blaze of light," or something equally deathly romantic.

Meanwhile though, while I'd like to stick around here on earth I will continue to say my prayers and give my thanks, sending my thoughts out to which ever diety is willing to bend an ear my way.