ahimsa

So after it being a hot topic in chat (alternachat) last night - and then reading back through Tara's blog and the "family chat" post, I thought I would share my own opinions here, in the safety of my own blog. I really really try to avoid forum drama - I mean, I have enough drama right here IRL, I need it not in my cyber life as well.

Kev's response really made me think though - about being insensitive. I think I have been insensitive soooo many time with regards to CF. I realize we are all in our own battle here, in different places on our maps and while we are all somehow connected by the Cf thread, we're different in how frayed each of our ends are - and so while my end still goes through the eye of the needle with just a little spit, some people's ends are so frayed that there is no hope of ever seeing the eye of the needle again.....getting carried away on the metaphors here, I'll stick to the point...

what I am trying to say, I think, is that I am sorry. I am sorry for not better understanding the battle this disease presents. More than once I know I have selfishly thought, "I hope that doesn't happen to me..." when reading the different posts. And so I am sorry that I haven't put myself in the shoes of all those who are unable (but might have otherwise wanted to) - to have children, for whatever reason. That I haven't thought more kindly in genereal for all of us suffering in our own ways - because no matter how we stand with this disease, surely no one's struggle is less important than anothers...?

After chatting last night and reading the family chat thread, I reread what I wrote in Tara's blog, to see just how insensitive i might have sounded. But I think I can stand by what I wrote. Children, once you have them, usually do become the love of your life - generally, there isn't much you can do about that, and often, people without kids don't fully understand that (and no, I do not think that makes them self absorbed - it's like anything you're not a part of that you may not fully understadn - do we expect our non CF counterparts to ever fully understand life with this disease? doubtful); and I do hope that those who are having a hard time with the children issue can find peace with that as well.

At the same time - sometimes mom chat IS Cf chat - as a mom with CF, managing kid care and disease is a job in itself, and I think as a mom of 2 and a nursing mom as well (21 months, yo) I have a lot to share that is related to CF and being a momma - and while I don't mind saving it mainly for the pregnancy board for the sake of the community, i don't necessarily like the idea that that bit of my CF knowledge should be segregated as if it less CF-worthy because not everyone can relate to it.

I think a big part of who I am is in working on practicing compassion (ahimsa for the yogaphiles), and it is something I can ALWAYS do better, and I will, here.