old blog 5

I did it. I requested IV meds today at el clinica. Probably get the ball rolling on Monday. Oy.

Weight is up a pound - that's no big deal - weight isn't an issue, though it's good to see I'm stable now at a decent weight with the breastfeeding, because if I'd continue to lose, that'd be bad.

PFTs are up from last time, but down overall - though we went back and it was like this: today 1.6, last time 1.4, 1.7, 1.8, 1.9, 1.8, 1.7 , 1.6 - so I am clearly up and down over time, but whatever, we want those bee-acthes up to stay.

Also, the PA has been around longer than I thought. The first time I heard of it was last year at age 29...but they first showed on a culture in '05 and before that the lab just said "many gram negative rods" - so chances are, these things have been brewing longer than I thought - not surprizing, but more fuel to the whole my-cf-is-no-different-than-anyone-elses awareness campaign I've been running.
and i do have mucoid and nonmucoid. bah.

So as I was sitting in the germy too small waiting room, there was a kid sitting next to me: a little hipster with his baggy jeans and hat and ipod - looking sullen and annoyed and detached, and I thought, "well, there I am sitting there, another reincarnation of myself hanging out at the clinic" and I really wanted to spread the good news (ha ha, sorry) about taking ownership of your CF. I didn't, because, as I watched the old boy-me slouching in the corner, I knew that the old-me would have HATED the new me trying to tell me anything at all. No, no, I wouldn't have heard a word I was saying (plus, I am just not quite evangelical enough to start such a conversation with a stranger). But I realized how silly I must have looked all those years trying to project an I-ain't-like-them attitude. You here, ain'tcha??

c'est toute.

oh, one last thought. Why is kindness reverved for little old ladies? I went to get my oil changed today and even in the garage, it was really nippley - it is like 5 degrees here. SO anyway, I felt bad for the guy changing my oil, you could tell his hands were really cold. I wanted to just clasp them in my own and rub them to warm them up. And if i was like 65, I could totally do that and the guy wouldn't take it inappropriately at all, but if I tried to do that right now, OMFG, can you imagine how misinterpreted it would have been?? Such is life, no?