I have trouble choosing sides. I always want to be fair and diplomatic and empathetic. I am the queen of fence riders. I always see both sides. Lately I think that is just a way of copping out of makinf=g decisions. My husband has always said I am too wshy washy, I don't take any risks, I don't define myself enough. I don't disagree, I just never really knew how to take stand. This isn't to say I can't speak up for myself - verbalizing hasn't been my problem, just choosing sides within an issue.
So, I am trying not to care about this whole cf.com business. In fact, until last night it was just kind of a pssing thing - a minor annoyance. I didn't care that some people were going between the two sites. I still understand the dilemma - as i said, I was riding the fence for a minute as well, I had friends there, yet unbanned; I had three years of blogging stored on the site. But then my blog got deleted, without warnng, for what I would say was rather benign content, expecially in comparrison to some of the other recent things I'd written. I decided I would still read posts on the site but not post.
I meailed the "owner" of the site to ask why the deletion, but got no reply. NONE.
When another - very informative blog - was deleted, I was going to try to post a snarky thread about it, but discovered I was "unauthorized" to be in the forums.
But the icing on the cake was last night in chat. Another member - a fence rider - said that she was pmed by the "owner" of the site who told her to delete a recent blog or her entire blog would be deleted. What was this - a warning?! and then the two continues to have a conversation about the need for a highly positive atmosphere on the boards. WTF. For whatever reason, this infuriates me.
I want to let it go, I need to. I logged out from the site last night and i won't be logging back in. I am disgusted at the treatment that the Cfers have gotten formt a site designed for them. I admit, I am a bit slow on the uptake here, as many others have already run through this emotional gamut. I just didn't feel so discrimintaed against until last night.
But I can't support the fence riders any longer. I think we have to chose sides. By choosing ot stay at cf.com, the fence riders support this treatment and discrimination. I didn't understand that at first. I do now. Not to mention that one of our favorite cf. com Republicans is assurred that we will return. I am not returning. I hope that others will begin to understand that this is an issue that required taking sides. If the "other side" is chosen I won't pass judgement, I will just be clear where one stands. But fence riders choose sides by not choosing at all, and that is a choice I can't tolerate.
I don't think the "owner" of said siter would bother herself reading a lone cystics blog, unless it's to gather evidenace for her defacement suit, but just in case she does, I have only one thing to say: FUCK YOU.
4 comments:
Awesome post Shannon! I, like you, have tried not to get too involved, but the whole situation really pisses me off!
That is what I don't understand, I remember your last blog and it was very benign, it infuriated me that you were banned. The deletion of Amy's blog....well that really is the icing on the cake isn't it? All of her hard work for the benefit of us and caregivers alike gone. I too remember her last blog entry and it was not that abrasive or disrespectful for that matter. I was extremely shocked that her blog was removed.
I too tend to ride the fences, trying to be a diplomat as there are always two sides. In this case, I believe you are right...it is time to chose a side. I do have friends over at cf.com so I do stay in touch with them, but as I see it , so many other people that I would call good friends are now gone, blogs and all and it sucks.
This whole mess stinks and could have been handled much better but it is done...wait, it isn't done. The bannings continue!
I shake my head and ask why to which there is no straight answer.
Shannon, thank you for this entry, as always it really hits home.
Jenn from NY
It is a puzzle isn't it. There's so much that confuses me about the site's actions -- and the reasons behind them.
1) I don't understand why the site doesn't proactively communicate changes/updates/maintenance information to its users. This is standard practice in the software industry. In this case the users are also the content providers so it seems even more essential.
For example, the first brouhaha was caused when, without any warning or "heads up", a new thread was created "In the Hospital" and a high-interest thread (the Pepe thread) was moved from "Adults" to the new "In the Hospital" thread. Without the heads up, it looked like the Pepe thread had been deleted.
The real furor of that decision (caused by thinking the thread had been deleted) could have been avoided by having a "no reply" post in adults saying that the new forum was being created on such and such a day at which time threads of that ilk would be moved. Or by the site having a thread (or link to something like a thread) that was a "Site Bulletin" thread (again the posts there could be "no reply" posts). And there could be a thread in such a forum that says "How to Give Feedback" with instructions on to report violations of the rules or make suggestions.
2) I really don't understand the removal of blogs without any warning and for such minor issues.
Everyone's blog is useful for giving a picture into the life of a CFer or caregiver and helping other people identify and cope. Some, like the NoExcuses blog, contained very valuable 3-d party information like the Warwick letters, while others contained replies that were of highly emotional value because they were from members who are now deceased.
Having someone's thoughts over years just blown away like that is totally dismissive of the person. This is when the anger of those folks and their friends became palpable.
3) The "price" of membership for users seems to be to like the site owner (Imogene) and to always "talk nice" to her, and to always express "gratitude".
This seems a strange necessity to me for using a commercial site. You don't have to like Bill Gates to use Microsoft products. Bill doesn't measure his success by whether or not you express verbal gratitude toward him. He measures his success by whether or not you use(buy) his product -- that's all the gratitude he needs. If enough people use his product (if he has a gigantic user base) he does well because his product is doing well.
What's with Imogene's need to have us all saying how wonderful she is? How perfect she is? How greatful we all are? Is she running that site as a business and as a service? Or is she running it to fill some personal need she has to have a bunch of people see her as Lady Bountiful?
Well, if it's the latter, she's out of luck as far as I'm concerned -- and as far as anyone who has had their blog deleted -- and (I would think) as far as anyone who has a friend who has had their blog deleted (or had a blog deleted that they used to reference).
I am completely uncomfortable in settings where the owner wants groveling admiration (even when they show ineptitude), so I feel well "out of there". I'll stick with sites where I can have mutually respectful relationships - where groveling is not required. Will I miss friends there? Of course. But I figure that if they feel the same way, they'll find me somehow anyway.
Am I ticked off? But of course. Not so much for me (I hadn't invested very heavily in the site), but I'm real ticked off for those of you who had sunk your souls into the site for so long only to be blown away and told you hadn't been offering any real contribution anyway.
ARGHHHHHH!
Betsy,
I agree. I see it as 'her' playground and it's run to fill a personal need, for sure. If it was some other type of site with the same personal need, no problem, but it's a site about cystic fibrosis.
I think it's in our best interest to move on and disassociate ourselves with that person. There doesn't seem to be anything positive about that relationship at this point.
CF2chat.com is certainly growing in leeps and bounds right now, with all the same faces, since all that started. It's awesome we all have a *new* and highly informative place to visit.
cowtown
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